signing a deathwish

your breath reeked of coffee and cigarettes,
i could sense them
beneath every single word you said;
a scent so pungent,
yet it never failed to make me feel
like i was home.

i’d never been fond of smokers;
but i liked this melancholy vibe you emitted
every time you inhale your cigarette,
or take a sip of your coffee.

i liked you the best when
you looked so vulnerable
with your hand holding a cigarette,
hair messed,
and mind stressed;
i once caught a sight of it and got
my eyes fixated on you.

maybe you were clueless
just how you could left me
so breathless,
i was wondering if it was
your smokes all along.

and before you knew it,
i felt like i wouldn't mind ditching oxygen
just to be able to breathe nicotine
alongside you.

some people said that
falling in love with a smoker was like
writing my own suicide letter.

if that was true,
i would let your habit consume me;
i would still give myself to die slowly with you;

until we both cough blood
from perpetual toxic we inhaled;

until our sleep-deprived selves weep for caffeine
you've always longed for the longest time.